Cynicism

You know, the title to this blog mentions one of my "negative", less understanding attributes: Cynicism. I have no issues with the fact that I am cynical. If I may be bold (arrogant) enough to mention that I think that many cynical people tend to be quite intelligent. Of course, simply because I find this to be true does not mean it is a positive attribute to have. In some respects, it can make a person bitter, and I have found this to be the case in myself. As I feel my mind is maturing to be more and more intellectual, I find I lose touch with the ability to see other people's thoughts with a positive gleam. In certain circumstances, sarcasm is my way of building attention on things I deem idiotic while still holding face from showing my full blown cynicism. I also find myself having to, more and more, consciously retract my words from lashing out and deconstructing others' thoughts in a less than friendly demeanor. It is an issue that I am well aware, and while I do think it is growing into an elitist state of mind, it is difficult to stop.

On that note, is all lost? No, I wouldn't say so (my bias speaks). I recognize that when I look people in the eyes, I give people respect no matter the circumstance - luckily, my cynicism has yet to escape my outstretched arms and is largely contained to dialogue of the internet world. Maybe the vastness of the internet and my exposure to a wide variety of people has billed me my compassion a bit. Still, I should continue to humble myself, for I am, in many respects, nothing. Just as I get frustrated with the thought processes of certain people, I should also recognize that in certain aspects of life, I am, and always will be, an idiot.

A lot of things annoy me, and I could spend my hours deconstructing every annoyance I have, or I can work on a far more constructive goal of working on seeing the positive sides of people; or, at the very least, separate myself from those that I find my cynicism wanting to lash out, because I am only feeding negativity.

It is extremely difficult to step away from something so moored in one's being, though. I loath dulling myself to please, what I consider, dull people (my arrogance speaks, I am aware).

I have so much more to say, but my mind is flooding with ideas faster than I can deliver in writing, so I will end things here. Still, this is an issue that I should work on, for I am no god, but I crave intellectual discussion so much I am tempted to pick intellectual fights with people in hopes to fill a largely unfilled chasm.

Listening to: "Right in Two" - TOOL (pretty fitting, honestly)